Playlist teacher guide - Stop Ask Listen

Playlist information

Playlist summary

This playlist unpacks the Stop Ask Listen step of the Field Model and how and when it can be used for shared decisions.

Playlist purpose

The content of the playlist supports students to:

  • unpack the steps in the Stop Ask Listen process
  • develop the skills required to check-in with what they want and what the other person wants from a situation before making a decision and taking action.

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Learning objectives

  • Know that respect is a fundamental human right for all people.
  • Understand the complexities of what it means to show respect and be respected.
  • Be able to differentiate between respectful and disrespectful relationships.
  • Understand how to recognise a range of disrespectful behaviours that can occur in relationships

Key messages

  • Respect is a fundamental human right.
  • Showing respect does not necessarily mean you have to agree with another person.
  • Respect and being respectful are key components of relationships.
  • Communication, trust and equality are important aspects of respectful relationships.
  • Having the skills to understand, give and receive consent can help people to have safe and respectful relationships.

Year level(s) appropriate for

Year 9, Year 10, Year 11, Year 12

Australian curriculum links

Propose, practise and evaluate responses in situations where external influences may impact on their ability to make healthy and safe choices.

Evaluate situations and propose appropriate emotional responses and then reflect on possible outcomes of different responses.

Investigate how empathy and ethical decision making contribute to respectful relationships.

Media items

Why Stop Ask Listen?

Type: Page.

Duration: 5 minutes.

Source: The Good Society.

Summary: You’ve got the basics, but let’s dig into some details. Why is Stop Ask Listen the right thing to do? What's involved in each step? And how do we know we’re doing it right?

Survey questions:

  1. Question number 1. How much better do you want to get at helping people understand what you think, feel or want in your relationships? Answers
    1. a.A lot better
    2. b.A little better
    3. c.Nah, I’m good
    Discussion points:

    Communication is important in respectful relationships, but can be hard to master. Honest communication takes trust and requires both parties to feel safe in the relationship. To explore these concepts further, discuss the following questions:

    • How do you know you’re understanding other people?
    • How do you know they understand you?
    • Why do you think honest communication can be difficult in some relationships?
    • How can you build trust within your relationships?
    • How can you make the other person feel safe to communicate honestly about how they are feeling?

     

Ways of asking

Type: Page.

Duration: 4 minutes.

Source: The Good Society.

Summary: It’s easy to say, “Just ask,” but people don’t really work that way. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for something directly. How exactly do we find out what someone else is thinking or feeling?

Survey questions:

  1. Question number 1. How comfortable and confident would you be to directly ask the other person in your relationship what they want from a situation? Answers
    1. a.Totally confident
    2. b.Reasonably confident
    3. c.Bit nervous
    4. d.Terrified
    Discussion points:

    Direct communication is safest. If students are confident then good. If not, discuss why and what they could do to improve confidence and comfort. What sort of situations make you uncomfortable about being direct? What could make it easier? For instance, asking someone out could make you super stressed—is it just a matter of building the courage, or are there other ways of framing the situation to take the stress out, or are there other approaches that would work better?

  2. Question number 2. Which of these would you be most likely to use if you were trying to be physically intimate with someone? Answers
    1. a.Direct communication
    2. b.Indirect communication
    3. c.Verbal communication
    4. d.Physical communication
    5. e.Asking about their inner world
    6. f.Asking about their outer world
    Discussion points:

    The first survey question emphasises direct communication, which is the safest and clearest, but the other modes have their place. This survey question gets students to think about the spread of modes they’d be comfortable with.

    • What is the distribution of answers in the class?
    • Are there clear preferences one way or another?
  3. Question number 3. Which of these would you most want your partner to use if they were trying to be physically intimate with you? Answers
    1. a.Direct communication
    2. b.Indirect communication
    3. c.Verbal communication
    4. d.Physical communication
    5. e.Asking about your inner world
    6. f.Asking about your outer world
    Discussion points:

    This question allows students to compare what they would be comfortable doing themselves with what they would like other people to do.

    • Are there any differences? (E.g. are students afraid of being direct, but want directness from other people?)

     

    OTHER DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

    We often use indirect questions or hints to indicate we want to know what the other person wants from a situation. This often leads to misunderstandings. It is important to emphasise that asking directly is the most effective way to be sure exactly what the other person wants. To further explore this concept, discuss the following questions with your group:

    • What are some different ways that you can ask someone directly about what they want from a certain situation? For example, “Are you cool with this?”, “Do you want to do this?”, “Is there something else that you would prefer to do tonight?”
    • What are some different ways that you can respond to someone directly about how you feel about a certain situation? For example, “I’m not really OK with what is happening here”, “I’d prefer if we did something else tonight if that’s OK”.

     

TV 2 | All that we share

Type: Video.

Duration: 3 minutes.

Source: TV 2 Denmark. ()

Summary: It’s easy to put people in boxes. There’s us and them. But how much do we share?

Survey questions:

  1. Question number 1. What effect did this video have on you? Answers
    1. a.I laughed.
    2. b.I cried.
    3. c.I wanted to learn more about the people around me.
    4. d.It didn’t have any effect on me.
    5. e.I didn’t like it.
    Discussion points:

    Ideally this ad is quite emotional for students. It’s worth asking why they through they felt the way they did, or what moments brought up emotions for them. (Roughly speaking, there’s something moving about seeing people lower their defences and make themselves vulnerable, including the times that people own up to what they’ve done wrong.)

  2. Question number 2. How does this relate to Stop Ask Listen? Answers
    1. a.SAL helps us break the boxes
    2. b.These are examples of inner world questions
    3. c.These are examples of outer world questions
    4. d.I don’t know how it relates to SAL
    Discussion points:

    SAL is about getting insights and challenging assumptions, so the first three options are all valid. This ad is just a nice emotive example of how much depth there is behind people, and how much we miss by assuming we know who they are on superficial evidence.

     

    OTHER DISCUSSION POINTS

    Why are we watching an ad for a Danish TV station? 

    Sometimes ads just nail important social messages, and is our country any different? Would any of these questions not apply?

Challenging assumptions

Type: Page.

Duration: 3 minutes.

Source: The Good Society.

Summary: It’s hard to really know another person. Maybe it’s impossible. So we make assumptions, but these assumptions are what get us into trouble. The ultimate point of Stop Ask Listen is to help us check and challenge our own assumptions.

Survey questions:

  1. Question number 1. Have you ever made an assumption about how someone will react in a situation and been proven wrong? Answers
    1. a.Yes
    2. b.No
    3. c.Maybe
    Discussion points:

    The Stop Ask Listen step allows us to check in on our assumptions and make sure they are accurate before we make any decisions based on them. To explore this concept further, discuss the following questions:

    • What factors can form the assumptions we make about people and/or situations?
    • What are some common assumptions that we make in relationships that can often be inaccurate?
    • Why do you think we are so quick to make assumptions about people based on general rules?
    • How can we challenge these inaccurate general assumptions in our broader society?

     

  2. Question number 2. How important do you think it is to test your assumptions about someone before taking action? Answers
    1. a.Very important
    2. b.Kind of important
    3. c.Not that important
    4. d.Not important
    Discussion points:

    This is an easy question. We imagine most students will say it is important, but you can ask students why they answered the way they did. The real challenge is the next question.

  3. Question number 3. How likely would you be to test your assumptions, if it meant you might not get what you want? Answers
    1. a.I’d still check. Better to be right than get what I want.
    2. b.I wouldn’t check. Don’t want to miss out on what I want.
    3. c.No need to check. I know I’m right.
    Discussion points:

    Often our assumptions, particularly when it comes to sex, are self-serving.

    • Are students willing to risk their own wants in order to better understand another person?
    • Do they think Stop Ask Listen makes it more or less likely to get what they want in a relationship? (The argument would be that sometimes you’ll get a no, but by establishing better relationships in the long run you’ll get more of what you want.)

How do we choose?

Type: Page.

Duration: 6 minutes.

Source: The Good Society.

Summary: It’s hard to really know another person. Maybe it’s impossible. So we make assumptions, but these assumptions are what get us into trouble. The ultimate point of Stop Ask Listen is to help us check and challenge our own assumptions.

Activities and extras

The conversations generated through engaging with this playlist could be built upon and reinforced using role play scenarios or group activities where students practise and refine strategies for:

  • asking and responding honestly
  • checking in with the other person
  • challenging assumptions that are based on general rules.

Additional resource: What to do if you think you like someone

  • Source: LaTrobe University - https://vimeo.com/155736284. [Source: http://www.lovesexrelationships.edu.au/years-7-8]
  • It is flagged as a resource for Y7-8 but would have value for older students, especially as it gives practical advice (show interest, plan group activities, have an exit strategy etc) on something that people find challenging even in adulthood.
  • This video has age restrictions on YouTube due to the reference to alcohol so you will need to play it to your class while logged into an 18+ Google account
  • In this ad, strangers meet in a mysterious warehouse, with mysterious instructions and questions they need to ask each other.
  • SAL is about getting insights and challenging assumptions, so the first three options are all valid. This ad is just a nice emotive example of how much depth there is behind people, and how much we miss by assuming we know who they are on superficial evidence.

Questions for students:

  • How did you find this video? Moving? Cheesy? Offensive? Didn’t affect you?
  • This is an ad, so obviously it is engineered for emotional impact, and they are interested in looking like they had an amazing positive impact on the participants. But allowing for these, how did students feel about it?
  • Which relationships had the biggest emotional impact on them?
  • Which relationships seemed to change the most?
  • Do they believe these changes will last?
  • Why will those changes last or not last?
  • How likely is it you will Stop Ask Listen in your relationships in future? Certain? Likely? Unlikely? No way?
  • How does this relate to Stop Ask Listen? It’s about looking beyond your assumptions? Finding out what people really value? Building a closer relationship? Respecting other people?
  • SAL is about getting insights and challenging assumptions, so the first three options are all valid. This ad is just a nice emotive example of how much depth there is behind people, and how much we miss by assuming we know who they are on superficial evidence.

Students may ask:

Since when did we start taking advice from beer commercials?

  • We’re not. You can’t trust ads. But ads sometimes nail the expression of social messages in an attempt to attach a brand to that message.
  • What’s most important here is the demonstration that people can bond over shared activities, and simply by exposure get to know each other (although this is sped up with question prompts in the ad), and once you know someone it’s hard to maintain your preconceptions about them.

What kinds of questions did they ask to learn about each other?

  • We don’t see all the questions but we get a sense: questions about experiences, history, beliefs, values. Questions about themselves more than their opinions about other people.

Is beer the only activity that unites people?

  • No. These people learn more about each other through building the bar. Drinking is just one example of a social activity. Others include sport, work, volunteering, eating, parenting—anything where people have to co-operate for a length of time.

Is talking the solution to all our differences?

  • What do you think? Out of these pairs, who do you think made the strongest connection? Who was most changed? Who do you think changed the least?
  • This video implies that the content of our difference beliefs is not important, that we can always still get along as we agree to disagree. But is that true?

Yes, we can often like people as people, even though they have what we think are calamitous beliefs. The problem comes when we have to make a shared decision, and our competing beliefs mean we can’t find an option we’re both happy with: that can be a real test on a relationship and create serious conflict.