It’s important to remember that we won’t always get our own way. Compromise has a place in all positive and healthy relationships. It is important to look at issues, acknowledge different points of view, and discuss solutions that are good for both sides - “win-win” solutions.
We can use the Feel, Think, Act, Reflect model to help us solve conflict, but there are also a few tips we can remember whilst using it.
- Understand: try to understand what everyone is feeling and try to see the other person’s perspective.
- Avoid making things worse: no negative communication (screaming or yelling), hurting the other person’s feelings, no put downs or being mean and nasty.
- Express: take turns to speak calmly to each other and express what you feel, want or need using ‘I’ statements.
- Active listening: show the person you are listening by making eye contact, responding with yes or no at the appropriate times and repeating what you’ve heard to check it is accurate.
- Brainstorm: work out possible solutions together to figure out which solution will be the best choice for everyone involved.
- Seek help: sometimes you may need someone else to help you solve the conflict. This could be another friend, a teacher, a trusted adult or a support organisation such as Kids Helpline.