Chapter 1 - Consent Subchapter: Yes No I Don’t Know

Yes No I Don’t Know

Intimate personal relationships boil down to a series of decisions. All sorts of problems come up when we make decisions without properly consulting the other person in the relationship—anything from accidentally upsetting someone to causing deliberate trauma.

Yes No I Don’t Know is a simple framework that helps us recognise when a decision needs consent, how to negotiate that consent, and the rules that each person needs to follow in order to maintain a respectful relationship and process.

Yes No I Don’t Know consists of:

  • Three zones (Action, End and Maybe, each with their own rules)
  • Two decisions (Yes and No, each with their own criteria)
  • One state (I Don’t Know, when someone really isn’t sure what they want)

This section of the guidebook unpacks each of these in detail, explores some of the complexities and contradictions we can experience, and provides advice on effective communication.