Chapter 1 - Consent Subchapter: Stop Ask Listen

Relationships are more than decisions

Key points

  • Relationships aren’t just about decisions and negotiation.
  • They also bring richness and connection.


Relationships are more than decisions

The cast from the Moving the Line video playing on the pinball machine and laughing between takes.


In the Field Model, we talk about relationships as being made up of thousands of decisions. This is true, but it’s not the whole truth about our relationships.

Our relationships aren’t just about decisions and transactions—do you want to do this or that.

Relationships are about all sorts of experiences and values.

Personal relationships can be about connection and community. They can be about love, care and kindness.

Some relationships are like mirrors, in which we see our own values and beliefs reflected back at us. Other relationships are challenges that expand our view of the world. Some relationships we value purely for what we are able to give to the other person.

The point is that all respectful relationships should have value and meaning beyond getting what we want from another person.

The Field Model only focuses on shared decisions because they are such a common source of conflict, and we can probably all make our relationships better if we have some shared ideas and rules around navigating shared decisions.

So just remember that the Field Model is just a model of one aspect of our relationships, it’s not the whole truth.