Chapter 1 - Consent Subchapter: Stop Ask Listen


Stop Ask Listen is the first part of the Field Model. It is about recognising other people as individuals with their own rich inner worlds, and making an effort to understand what they really want from their relationship together.

It sounds obvious, but the reality is that we ignore other people’s thoughts and feelings all the time—for all sorts of reasons—so it’s good to remind ourselves that, hey, that’s a whole other person over there, and we’re not just entitled to anything we want from them.

When we stop, we create space to ask about that person's world and listen to what they say.

From there we can see where we both stand on the Field Model, and what we can do next.

This section explores the Stop Ask Listen part of the process in more detail: why we need it, how to do it well, and what complexities we should keep in mind.